It's the Final Countdown....

Driving back from a short stay in Long Island, several things hit me. The first was that my butt was sore yet again from driving for hours on end. It took five and a half hours (two hours too many) to get there and we were approaching three on the way back. I tried to stretch my legs out without looking absolutely ridiculous. It was totally worth it though. almost a full day spent with the two of the most amazing friends a person could have. staying up late watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Laughing at stories of childhood and college at the dinner table.... just a perfectly fun time. I thought to myself i must make this happen again soon.

The second thing that hit me was that I only have two days left before i head back to college. I have been putting this off for as long as i possibly can. the thought that im going back to one of my favorite places in my life.... but leaving my favorite person behind. i know with phone calls, im's, texts and video chats the void will shrink... yet it will still be hard to visit home or have her visit and let her go again and again.... after living this summer my life is different. i view life with new eyes it seems. things i never thought very special have become quite precious to me. things i thought mattered a lot have lost some of their urgency and attention. i find that im focusing on things that will make me happy in the long run as well as short term. thats my new focus in life. is to be happy. and to make those around me happy while maintaining my happiness. there are very few people i will allow myself to make happy at the expense of my own happiness. im trying to realize and actually believe this statement. to make it happen. sigh.... its harder than it seems.

the third and likely the most important thing i realized was that i am growing up. I was able to get us there and home using a few directions and two maps. I just found out a friend several months older than me is engaged and set to be married. And im already thinking about apartments and jobs and such... responsibilities that i wont have to deal with for another few years and yet i cant help thinking about it.i dont know how i feel about these changes... this transition into adulthood. I just feel too young to have these things introduced to me.... marriage.... jobs.... living in different parts of the country. these things scare me... and also excite me. I really have no idea where these thoughts are going. i just know that im going to be happy where ever life takes me.... ill make sure of that.

Jennifer im going to miss you terribly... miss not seeing your physical body every day.... just know i love you and will see you soon. <3